What are the different types of love that you experience in your life? 

Read the book

Weiten, W., Hammer, E., & Dunn, D. (2014). Adjust. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth.

Chapter 9 and 10

After reading Chapter 9&10 and reviewing the Love and Relationships PPT, please attend to one or more of the following:

What do you think is the difference between love and like? What have you learned from your experience?

What are the different types of love that you experience in your life?

From the PPT, what are the primary styles of love? Do you have examples from your experience that you are willing to share?

Watch the Brene Brown TED Talk “The Power of Vulnerability” provided in the PPT and discuss your reactions.

Discuss Sternberg’s Triangle of Love and its 3 main components

Share an experience of how love, like, friendships, and/or relationships have contributed to your journey towards personal growth so far

In order to receive full credit, be sure to post two separate posts in each discussion forum: one original post (5 points) attending to one of the provided questions or prompts

Love and Relationships

Love vs. Like

· Love is: A constellation of behaviors, cognitions, and emotions associated with desire to enter or maintain a close relationship with a specific other person

· Love is different from liking

· Rubin’s loving vs liking scale

· Romantic love is made up of

· Attachment

· Caring

· Intimacy

· http://psychcentral.com/lib/rubins-love-scale-and-rubins-liking-scale/

· Falling in friendship is very different from falling in love

· When we talk about it:

· Love narrative has greater emphasis on attraction

· Friendship narratives more focused on familiarity

Different Types of Love

· A lot of work has been about the different types of love

· Romantic love

· Compassionate love

· Passionate love

· Familial love

· Falling in Love Definition

· Onset of a strong desire for close, romantic relationship with a particular person

· Seems to be about the transition into passionate love, or from not being in love to being in love

Is Falling in Love a Good Thing?

· When reciprocated, leads to:

· Enhancement of self-concept

· Increased identity domain

· Greater sense of self-efficacy

· Greater self-esteem

· ALSO, effect on social network might be negative

· Can be a problem if you are already in a committed relationship

· When NOT reciprocated:

· Painful

· Can impact self-esteem, self-concept

Lee’s 3 Primary Color styles of Love

· Ludus (game-playing)

· Fun based

· Playing games

· Seeking attention

· Playful

· Storge

· Grows out of friendship

· Based in commitment

· Eros

· Passionate

· Physical

· Satisfying

Sexually driven

Secondary Styles of Love

· Like primary colors, primary love styles can be combined to form secondary colors or styles of love

· Pragma

· Pragmatic

· Sense of Service

· Frank and Clare Underwood

· Mania

· Possessive

· Need based

· Fatal Attraction

· Agape

· Self-sacrificing

· Altruistic

· Forest Gump

Vulnerability: The Key to Connection

Sternberg’s Triangle of Love

· Sternberg believed that there are 3 components of love:

Components of Triangle

· Commitment

· Intimacy

· Passion

Properties of Triangle

· According to Sternberg, the 3 love components differ with respect to a number of properties, including:

· Stability

· Conscious controllability

· Experiential salience

· For example, the elements of intimacy and decision/commitment are usually quite stable in close relationships (once they occur and become characteristic of a relationship, they tend to endure), whereas passion tends to be less stable and predictable

· Sex therapy

Types of Love Relationships

1. Non-love

2. Liking (intimacy alone)

3. Infatuation (passion alone)

4. Empty Love (decision/commitment alone)

5. Romantic love (intimacy and passion)

6. Companionate Love (intimacy and decision/commitment)

7. Fatuous Love (passion & decision/commitment)

8. Consummate Love (intimacy & passion & decision/commitment)

Relationships and MFTs

· According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT)

· A family’s patterns of behavior influences the individual and therefore may need to be a part of the treatment plan. In marriage and family therapy, the unit of treatment isn’t just the person – even if only a single person is interviewed – it is the set of relationships in which the person is imbedded

· Retrieved from: https://www.aamft.org/imis15/AAMFT/Content/About_AAMFT/Qualifications.aspx?hkey=2d5f6fac-24c6-40fd-b74f-5f3eaf214e55

· All behavior makes sense given the context (Relationships are part of the context)

· There is value in understanding a person and the way they exist within relationships

· What do your relationships say about you?

Knapp Relationship Development Model

· Proposes that relationship development is a 10 step process broken down into two phases

· Coming Together Phase

· Coming Apart Phase

Coming Together Phase

· Initiation

· First impressions

· Experimentation

· Individuals begin to share their story and learn about each other

· Exploring the relationship, experimenting with activities and questions to determine if they like each other

· Intensifying

· Continued exploration that increases the connection

· Conversations become deeper

· History gains more rich details

Passion is developed

Coming Together Phase Cont

· Integrating

· Partners begin integrating personal, individual parts into the couple parts

· Introducing friends and family

· Developing the “we”

· Couple identity is formed

· Bonding

· Marriage

· Commitment

· Couple is bonded together (successfully or unsuccessfully

The Coming Apart Phase

· Differentiating

· Differences between partners become more salient

· “Were you always this stubborn?”

· Conflict resolution and problem solving is negatively impacted; instead of working as a team to solve problems, focus becomes more individualistic

· Circumscribing

· Individualistic routines are increased

· Personal time, personal space increased

· She works on the backyard alone

· The garage is his space

· Stagnating

· Stuck in a rut

· Things that used to bring excitement now seem mundane and routine

· Avoiding

· Literal avoidance

· Mental, Emotional, Physical separation between the individuals

· Detachment, lack of attunement

· Needs are left unnoticed, unmet, uncared for

· Terminating

· A decision is made to end the connection

· Staying in the relationship no longer produces happiness, fulfillment

· Relationship outcomes and goals do not match

· The relationship is terminated

Why does this matter to you?

· If you want to become an MFT, obvi it matters

· Understanding the developmental process of relationships helps us to understand how we exist within them

· MFTs look for patterns – do you recognize patterns in your life?

· If so, what would you learn from those patterns about your life?

· Would you make any adjustments?

· We have talked about developing the self concept, now we are developing an understanding of ourselves within the context of our relationships

· Part of healthy development is learning to cultivate meaningful personal relationships; and learning to eliminate toxic relationships

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